Picking Up Speed

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Some days feel like you’ve been idling in your driveway for hours. Others feel like you threw your car into reverse without looking. And then…there are the days where it feels like you’re on the tollroad with no cars in sight, and, better yet, you’re picking up speed.

Rebuilding my freelance career has been all of that–and more. Thanks to some amazing friends and former colleagues, I’ve been able to augment my portfolio with some additional elements that have smoothed the pavement, so to speak, and enabled me to hit the accelerator. It’s a moment worth stopping and savoring–and appreciating.

One of the hardest life lessons for me has been learning to ask for help. I grew up in a household that prized self-sufficiency. I was taught to work hard, push through anything and everything, don’t pause to feel, and only trust in yourself. Asking questions or asking for help–those weren’t regarded as the hallmarks of a smart, driven, successful individual. So I didn’t do them. Until now.

And you know what? It’s so much more fun to feel supported, and to provide support. Building community is hard when it doesn’t come naturally. But once you do, it feels great. If you, too, were raised in a “if you want to get it done, do it yourself” environment, it’s not too late. It feels weird at first, but it’s worth it to give it a try.

Tell me how it went for you.

Am I on the Road to Nowhere?

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Have you ever found yourself walking a strange path…not sure where you are or where you’re going?

It’s not the same as the road less traveled—which, in itself, signals that you have had some level of decision-making in your expedition. It’s also not a “how did I get here?” moment (and yes, I’m at two great Talking Heads songs and counting), which sounds vaguely promising.

No. I’m talking about a straight up, hands thrown in the air, directionally challenged moment. Even Alice knows, when she falls into the rabbit hole, that she is going down, down, down. I’m not sure if I’m going up, down, or out.

Which leads me to seek a spiritual navigational assist.

If you’re like me, you’ve done your research, you’ve done “the work.” You’ve listened to life coaches explain that “when everything feels like it’s falling apart, it’s actually working out FOR you.” And that if you trust your gut, you’ll find your way. And maybe, like me, you’ve read, listened, meditated, prayed and manifested your brains out and now you’re a sloggy mess of enlightened phrases mixed with “Look Blue! There’s another clue!”

And still I ask (and maybe you do, too), where’s my big “Aha!”? Where’s my Mary Tyler More throwing her hat in the air moment?

It’s not that all is down, lots of things are good. It’s just that uncertainty creeps into corners of happy rooms, patiently waiting to cast its shadow at just the wrong time.

It’s the changing part of lane changes that is both empowering and terrifying.

And, although I love the song, I hope that I am not on the road to nowhere.

What say you? Feeling confident or having a moment?

Driving in the Rain

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I’ve reached an age at which the weather impacts my schedule and my destination decisions. I mention this because I received an alert that a book I really, really, really want to read is waiting for me at the library. I should also mention that the hold expires in three days.

And this is why I am on my weather app. Because it is raining. And it’s not just some common SoCal drizzle, it’s a cold, wet rain that soaked me to the bone earlier today. Let me back up here: I am also a distance runner. Today was Long Run Day, and for any distance runner, Long Run Day is sacred. It’s why we went to bed early the night prior. It’s what we’ve fueled for for the past few days (or more, depending on your training schedule). It’s why the Weather App is positive I’m stalking it–I left my house with the serious calculation that I would finish 14 miles before the rain arrived.

I got to 10.5.

Those last 3.5 were a cold, wet slog. Sure, I could have cut the entire run short and headed home. But that’s defeating my training and that is not the point. However, now that I am home, warm and dry with a hot cup of coffee, the idea of getting bundled up to get to the library, and also, I remind myself, a pit stop at the gas station first, doesn’t feel very exciting. It feels less than exciting.

And so I’m back on the weather app. What do the next two days look like? Better, worse, same? The answer is: same. Dang. So the struggle is real–suck it up now to enjoy the next two days with my new book? Or suck it up tomorrow…or…

I’m not sure when I became a creature of comforts, but staying warm and dry is the best feeling ever. Or maybe I’m still shaking off 3.5 miles of soaked-to-the-skin running.

What say you? Have your habits changed now that there are no “mandatory” trips to drop off/pick up or otherwise transport kids? Do you rethink whether or not you’re committed to a project, a meeting or a lunch based on the weather?

As for me…I’m still debating. But that new book…

Changing Lanes

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In 2009, I launched a blog called “Tales From the Carpool“. At the time, I was up to my eyeballs raising three kids while trying to maintain a thriving freelance business. The blog was filled with the challenges that my friends and I encountered daily. Sometimes it was fun and games. Sometimes the struggle was real.

As I said in the blog, “The best stories always begin with ‘once upon a time’ and ‘once upon a time’ for any woman with kids begins in the carpool. It’s the one place where we get to tell it like it is…at least until the kids arrive.” The carpool lane was our safe space. That spot, engines idling and A/C on blast, is where we would reconnect, have a quick laugh and compare notes. Sometimes, we had a few minutes; sometimes, only seconds, but it always made a significant impact on our well-being.

Now here’s the thing: your mom was not wrong. The days will fly by. In fact, the years will fly by.

You will find yourself sitting in a car that likely doesn’t have even a hint of Goldfish cracker dust and that might not even have the capacity for more than four passengers and see a landscape is drastically different. You are no longer in the carpool lane. You may no longer readily self-identify as a parent.

In what feels like the blink of an eye, the kids have graduated from high school and possibly college. They have their own lives, their own jobs, their own friends. Maybe even their own place. They no longer need your daily, hands-on support. Congratulations!

And with that change comes something bigger: time back. We have ability to augment our lives with new pursuits. For some us, it’s a career change. For others, it’s charting a new adventure. For many of us, it may include caring for older parents or navigating new health concerns. We have more time–not necessarily to slow down–but to focus on other interests, whether that’s our friends, our hobbies, our communities, our government or our environment.

I believe that many of us are in the same place. We’ve left one life and are embarking on a new one. Our once familiar roads have new exits, and we’re not sure which one to take. And we no longer have a communal spot to stop, connect and check in.

I am hoping this blog, Changing Lanes, can be a place where we can meet and share our stories. Where we can talk about our experiences, discuss how we’re navigating the unknowns, and ask each other for insight and support. Most of all, I hope this is a place for acceptance and laughter. Because, as we know from Tales From the Carpool, whatever the challenge, if you can laugh about it, it instantly feels a hundred times lighter.

So, if you’re up for it, hit those turn signals and get ready. We’re Changing Lanes.